It is a great thing when life, in all its confusion and muddle, offers something that exactly describes what I'm experiencing. Today, while reading Is It Possible to Live This Way? Volume 2 Hope, by Father Giussani, I came across the following passage:
...certainty of faith generates certainty of hope, but the manner in which this certainty of hope is drawn out in us leaves a kind of disorientation, leaves a kind of tribulation, a kind of doubt that isn't doubt, that is uncertainty, because you aren't able to imagine, to delinate in any way what this future will be like (page 28).A dear friend posted about a recent period of "silence" (I feel I must use these quotation marks, given all the words that have been generated in her during this period!). She describes: "this time has been one of silence and deep satisfaction. I can date it precisely from the week that I spent in Rimini last summer. It's the reason I stay in the movement, because I can correlate the happiness in my life to events, like the Advent Retreat I will attend today. Fortunately, I have a camera, so I can still express what I often can't say." [She takes amazing photographs, by the way!]
My own silence has been of a different order -- more restless and perhaps related to what she calls "agitation." Perhaps the words that best sum up my last several months are: How long, Lord?
To know that this restlessness is not a sign of a lack of faith or hope is a great relief -- discovering the sentence in Hope was a sign of great mercy and tenderness toward me.